Monday, July 19, 2010

Memorial Service and House Ups and Downs

Hello, F.O.T.E.'s,
Well, Will's service was Sat, July 17.  It was a good day--hard, but good.  I had dreaded that day for weeks.  Not that it would "remind me," because losing Will is a constant heartache--I'll never "forget."  But, more that I am tired of crying.  I'm tired of admitting to my friends that I'm still not coping.  They have been so gracious to me.  No one has even hinted at, "You know, Amy, it's time to move on."  I have friends whose children have died, and people have said things like that to them.  That's unthinkable to me.  We would never say to someone whose spouse just died, "Ok, it's time to get over it.  You can always marry someone else." 
   Anyway, it was a blessing to have our friends and family gathered around, remembering our beautiful son.  A friend told me that the service caused her son to ask questions that needed asking...We in the pro-life community need to stay intellectually honest and this was a chance to work that out.  We can't grieve only the babies lost to abortion, while considering babies who die naturally "just tissue."  That's not logical.  That double-mindedness is  my soapbox issue. 
  As for the "house woes..."
We are looking at having to replace the heating/air conditioning unit.  This past week it's been 90 degrees on the main level and over 100 in the upstairs bedroom.  And that is *after* the hvac guy left, and the ac compressor has not kicked off for over a week. (Dread the electric bill.)  Pretty discouraging.  For a person with hyperthyroid (like me), heat is the enemy.  I can't wait until Winter.  I can always add clothes to stay warm, but heat makes me depressed and angry.  I know many people have SAD (seasonal affective disorder) in the Winter, but it affects me in the Summer.  Weird, eh?  I have panic attacks when I get too hot.  So, 90 degrees in the air conditioned house won't work for me.  So, we'll be tucking back money until next Spring for a new unit.
    On the "Ups"....we've had some pretty awesome peaches, apples and berries.  We have some apples in the freezer and the trees have many more.  We have to cut out wormy spots and bad places, but there is still a good many.
    Annie is the Chief Berry Picker, and she made a great blackberry cobbler tonight.  The produce is such a blessing, and I feel so blessed to have children who love learning about growing things.   In the cool of the evening, I enjoy walking through the fruit trees and seeing what's ripe...planning for the Fall and Winter...looking forward to next Spring. 
    Then, back on the "down" side  has been the 3 jungle showers in the basement.  Evidently we need to do some tweaking on the plumbing in our bathroom on the main level.  Under the right circumstances, it "rains" potty water into the basement.   We'll be seeing what needs to happen to (hopefully) prevent that in the future.  Just part of the territory of owning a home, no?  :-)
    Oh, did I mention we have acquired a puppy??  I'll have to leave that for another time...getting late here and The Ewe's tail's drooping.  Must shuffle off to bed.
Don't forget,
Y'all keep your wool dry!

The Ewe

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Will's Memorial and Settling In

Hello, F.O.T.E.'s,
Well, we are making the final plans for Will's memorial service at our church this weekend.  I know it's been 2 months, but his death seems like yesterday.  I've heard it said that the service helps bring "closure," but I'm not sure.  I don't think I'll feel closure this side of Heaven, when I hold my 4 precious blessings again.  That is the Ultimate Closure.  On the other hand, I appreciate the "togetherness" of having a service.  We are looking at Will's service as a celebration of his life--regardless of the fact it was only 25 weeks long.  He blessed me.  His memory blesses me daily, even through the pain.
   The day we first saw this house I had a strong feeling this was the place God would help me heal from Charity's death.  I had no idea it would also be the place God healed me of Will's death. 
The land here teems with life.  When we first moved, all the Life seemed to taunt me.  Now, it is a comfort.  It is a reminder that, regardless of the tragedies we face, the Lord is still in control.  Understanding is not necessary. 
   I am finding a thousand little comforts here.  The hummingbird...the Eastern Bluebird (I think it is...), even a Blue Heron.  Wild turkeys...the way the wind whispers through the trees.  The silence. 
   I'm devouring books about fruit trees, brambles, berries of all sorts...vegetables...animal husbandry.  It is all very stimulating and diverting.
   We had some nibbles of apple a few days ago.  They're not quite ripe, but delicious.  It was a "pinch me moment."  We have been married nearly 20 years, and outside of a house we bought that ended up becoming a rental property, we've not really had a home of our own.  Too many moves with Reid's jobs. 
    With the other house we bought, in less than a year, Reid had accepted a job in a different state.  So, we put the house up for sale.  A family fell in love with it and wanted to buy it.   The snag was that they couldn't get a loan, due to their credit score.  After a lot of prayer, we really felt that that family was the family God wanted in that house.  So, with fear and trembling, we agreed to lease it to them for a year while they rebuilt their credit.  They had the husband's company cut a check for us each month, directly out of his paycheck.  Even though it was a hundred year old house, the family never called us to repair anything.  They fixed it and let us know--never asking for money for the work.
  That year turned into 4 years before they could get a loan.  The auto payments kept coming and the repair calls never did.  Many, many times during those years our real estate agent urged us to kick the family out and sell to someone else.  Though it would have been a relief to get rid of the house, we never felt right about that.  We were convinced that house was for them.  So, we waited.
    I remember the day they closed on that home.  The wife was having her "pinch me moment."  She gushed with gratitude that we waited on them.  She thanked us for giving them a chance. 
     I'm still having my own, daily pinch-me moments.  After 2 decades of "where will we move next?" I am really happy here.  I am enjoying making our home. 
     I'm thankful to be given the chance. 

Thursday, July 01, 2010

New Home

Hello, F.O.T.E.'s,
I only have time for a quick update this morning.  We are trying to wrap up loose ends at the rental house (cleaning, etc) and get unpacked at the new house.  Eating the elephant...
  I wanted to say that now that our furnishings are in the new house, the sadness is lifting somewhat.  I have realized that the problem here was the emptiness.
   Empty maternity clothes....empty house....empty bassinet....empty womb. 
The day of the walkthrough, when I stepped into the house, I was again overwhelmed by the emptiness.  I thought, "This is empty....just how I feel."
  Moving day was last Saturday.  There were fleeting times of overwhelming sadness.  I had good friends there to hug me, pray with me.  Oh, what would I do without those people God put here to be "Jesus in skin?"  We're in this together, People! 
    Anyway, we are little by little settling in.  We had a glorious time last night playing in the yard, walking down the driveway (down and back is a third of a mile), watching the tractors baling our hay.  The temperature was pleasant.
   There was a black and orange butterfly frolicking around our lilies.
    It's good to be home.