Monday, July 19, 2010

Memorial Service and House Ups and Downs

Hello, F.O.T.E.'s,
Well, Will's service was Sat, July 17.  It was a good day--hard, but good.  I had dreaded that day for weeks.  Not that it would "remind me," because losing Will is a constant heartache--I'll never "forget."  But, more that I am tired of crying.  I'm tired of admitting to my friends that I'm still not coping.  They have been so gracious to me.  No one has even hinted at, "You know, Amy, it's time to move on."  I have friends whose children have died, and people have said things like that to them.  That's unthinkable to me.  We would never say to someone whose spouse just died, "Ok, it's time to get over it.  You can always marry someone else." 
   Anyway, it was a blessing to have our friends and family gathered around, remembering our beautiful son.  A friend told me that the service caused her son to ask questions that needed asking...We in the pro-life community need to stay intellectually honest and this was a chance to work that out.  We can't grieve only the babies lost to abortion, while considering babies who die naturally "just tissue."  That's not logical.  That double-mindedness is  my soapbox issue. 
  As for the "house woes..."
We are looking at having to replace the heating/air conditioning unit.  This past week it's been 90 degrees on the main level and over 100 in the upstairs bedroom.  And that is *after* the hvac guy left, and the ac compressor has not kicked off for over a week. (Dread the electric bill.)  Pretty discouraging.  For a person with hyperthyroid (like me), heat is the enemy.  I can't wait until Winter.  I can always add clothes to stay warm, but heat makes me depressed and angry.  I know many people have SAD (seasonal affective disorder) in the Winter, but it affects me in the Summer.  Weird, eh?  I have panic attacks when I get too hot.  So, 90 degrees in the air conditioned house won't work for me.  So, we'll be tucking back money until next Spring for a new unit.
    On the "Ups"....we've had some pretty awesome peaches, apples and berries.  We have some apples in the freezer and the trees have many more.  We have to cut out wormy spots and bad places, but there is still a good many.
    Annie is the Chief Berry Picker, and she made a great blackberry cobbler tonight.  The produce is such a blessing, and I feel so blessed to have children who love learning about growing things.   In the cool of the evening, I enjoy walking through the fruit trees and seeing what's ripe...planning for the Fall and Winter...looking forward to next Spring. 
    Then, back on the "down" side  has been the 3 jungle showers in the basement.  Evidently we need to do some tweaking on the plumbing in our bathroom on the main level.  Under the right circumstances, it "rains" potty water into the basement.   We'll be seeing what needs to happen to (hopefully) prevent that in the future.  Just part of the territory of owning a home, no?  :-)
    Oh, did I mention we have acquired a puppy??  I'll have to leave that for another time...getting late here and The Ewe's tail's drooping.  Must shuffle off to bed.
Don't forget,
Y'all keep your wool dry!

The Ewe


Andie said...

I'm not picking berries again till I get some gloves! I have thorns in my hands that I still can't get out! Why didn't you mention the blackberry ice cream (with a hint of bacon flavor)? ;)

AdamR3 said...

I am so ashamed to be working in AC while my flock sweats. I love you babe. We will get this fixed as He provides.

I love you.

Mama Lamba said...

Annie--we'll get you some gloves, Love. And I didn't mention the bacon ice cream because I didn't want to embarrass you...but, since you mentioned it...LOL
Reid--We'll get it fixed, Hon. Little by little, bit by bit...besides, if you weren't at work, we couldn't have bought a house. :-)

Katrina said...

Just found your blog and wanted to say hello. I'm sorry for the loss of your son. What a true heartache. I'm glad that you have such good friends and that no one has told you it's "time to move on" or anything else so insensitive.

I just recently lost a baby at 11 weeks. Well-meaning friends have told me things like:

"You can always try for another baby..." (my heart cries out: but I wanted THIS baby!)

"It just wasn't meant to be."
(??? then why did I conceive if it wasn't meant to be?)

"The baby must not have been healthy. It was probably for the best." (I would have loved and cherished a baby that was not perfect. Healthy or not, I wanted this little one.)

"You have nine healthy children. Maybe this is God's way of telling you not to have more." (the most hurtful comment of all. God would not give me a child and then take it away to prove a point.)

I think sometimes people just don't know what to say and so things like this just come out of their mouths. Some friends knew what to say, especially those who have had miscarriages themselves:

"I'm sorry."

"I know it hurts."

"I'm praying for you."

And they let me talk, and talk, and cry, and talk...and don't say too much. They listen. Friends like that are priceless.

Anyway, I just wanted to say hello and let you know that I'm praying for you. No mama should have to say good-bye to her child before she even gets the chance to say hello.

Katrina in CA

Mama Lamba said...

Your comment brought tears to my eyes. I am so, so very sorry for your loss. No baby can replace another and no one knows if any of we mamas will have more babies. I know people don't know what to say, and sometimes hurtful things come out.
You're so right--every child is cherished, and losing one, even as early as 11 weeks, is such a heartbreak. I will pray for you.
Thank you for stopping by The Ewe's Gnus. You bless me.

springolife said...

Katrina and Amy,

Of course you can't nor should you ever try to 'get over' or 'move on' from this. You learn to walk on, but you don't move away from the fact that you had a baby who is no longer on this Earth with you. You walk on, carrying the memory of that child with you.

Katrina, I've also had those awful things said to me. 1) he was 40 weeks and there was NOTHING wrong with him 2) no I may not be able to have any more children, we've been trying for a year and a half and all I've had are miscarriages 3) while I LOVE my four beautiful princesses, that does not detract from the 5 or more children that I yearn for in Heaven. Do you tell an amputee "well, cheer up, you still have another leg?"

My parents and inlaws said that very comment that maybe this was God's way of showing me He doesn't want us to have more children. What kind of loving Father would do that to His children? Besides, it goes against everything we believe about conception and the sovereignty of God.

Kevin said...

I wanted to say how incredibly sorry I am at the loss of your son. It is a tragedy. I've been reading through your posts with tears in my eyes. You are being so honest, searingly honest, and I appreciate that. Not perky, not pasting the smile on ...being REAL REAL REAL that this is a heartbreak beyond all heartbreaks. I'm sorry about Charity too...
I've had 4 miscarriages, all by 10 weeks. They broke our hearts. Even so early, they broke our hearts. Sometimes I can hardly wait to get to Heaven to meet our precious children face to face.
I'm 24 weeks tomorrow with a miracle baby (after 3 mcs last year.) I am not going to worry, but I do keep in mind that there are no guarantees in life...

Kevin said...

I wrote the last comment. I'm Laraba, my husband is Kevin...he has the google account.