Thursday, May 27, 2010

Mercies III

All too soon, we had to relinquish Will's tiny body to the nurse.  This was not the decision of the hospital staff--they didn't rush him off--but it was obvious that we had to let his body go.
  The moment the nurse left the room with Will, tears burst forth again. 
   We sat quietly for a few minutes. 
After a bit, Oma and Opa took the children back to Kathy's.  Reid, Kathy and I sat and talked.  Cried. 
Sometime in there, the doctor came in to talk about discharge.  She stated that I was welcome to stay as long as I wanted, but also I was free to go.  "We're not going to keep you here if you want to go," she said.  I told her, "*You're* not keeping me here--my numb legs are!"  :-) 
   Indeed, it took 6 hours for the anesthesia to wear off.  After that, my legs were still rather like Bambi's.  Reid joked, "Hello, Young Prince!"  ha ha
   Once I could toddle around some, I changed clothes and put on my shoes.  We   gathered our things and signed papers.
   Our nurse, Hannah :-), brought a wheelchair for me. 
   Kathy had left to get the car to meet us at the front of the hospital.
   The hospital corridors seemed like a huge labryinth.  I remember thinking, "I'm glad *I'm* not wheeling me out of here!"  Finally, we rolled into the lobby/waiting room area of the hospital.  There were people from wall to wall.  It was loud--t.v.'s blaring, children crying and laughing...people talking, cell phones ringing.
  I thought, "Don't you all know my baby just died?"  Then, I realized, "Some of these people are going through hard times, too."  There is plenty of hurt and pain to go around.  We need each other.  We must "bear one another's burdens."
   The pick-up area at the front of the building was abuzz with activity.  One lady in a wheelchair--looked to be about my age or a bit younger--looked so gaunt and weak. Her pale eyes slowly scanned the crush of cars, looking for her ride.  A nurse stood behind her, chatting a bit.  I said a quick prayer for the lady.
   Kathy pulled up and I wondered how I was going to heave myself from the wheelchair into her car.  Of course, Reid and the nurse helped, and I did make it in.  An odd feeling settled in and I wished there was a little car seat strapped in beside me.  That was the first time I ever left a hospital without a baby.
    We drove through Nashville.  Kathy was pointing out areas that had been under water during the flood.  (Nashville had flooded a couple weeks or so before then.)  Again, I thought, "There is plenty of hurt to go around."  I know some people died in the flood.  Some lost everything.  Many, many lost much. 
     When we arrived at Kathy's house, I changed into a nightgown and settled into bed.  Reid went to Krispy Kreme to procure the traditional Hall Family Birth Celebration Doughnuts.  The kids had asked before if we were going to get KK's.  I said, "Of course.  That's what Halls do.  We still have a life to celebrate."
      My chocolate glazed was sticky and sweet.
Sweet like life.


Alipurr said...

oh, amy....I am so sorry about Will. hugs, prayers, and tears,

Mama Lamba said...

Thanks, Allison. Love you.

Lisa-Anne said...

Oh my precious friend. My heart is still breaking minute by minute. I've wanted to call you but so far my throat is too tight for words. Sherral said she gave you a hug for me, and I'm so grateful to her for doing that. I wish I could do it in person!
Thank you for sharing the story, William will always be one of *mine* too!
I love you!

Mama Lamba said...

I understand Lisa-Anne. I feel your prayers. We'll talk soon. I love you. Thanks for the hug...