Tuesday, June 08, 2010

My Answer

I just woke up with my 3 word answer.
I had gone to sleep with my 1 word question:

How will I continue life?  How will I pick up the pieces?  How will I be the mother I need and want to be to the 5 beautiful, precious children I have the privilege of holding in my arms here on Earth?  How will I minister to the dear husband the Lord has put me with?  How will I get a meal together each day?  How will I get The Troops to the dentist?  How will I get the van to the shop for an oil change?  How will I pack up this house?  How will I unpack at the new house?  How will I learn to tend a farm (albeit a small one)?  How will I tighten the budget to do my part in getting this great little farm paid off?  How will I organize life? How?  How?  HOW?  HoW?  hOw?        how?

The 3 word answer I just woke up with?

Monkey Brain Grace

M.B.G. is a  Hallism  that came about after I read the book _The Hiding Place_ by Corrie Ten Boom.  In it, she tells of asking her father how to cope with bad things (I believe that is the context...it's been years since I read the book).  Her dad asks her, "When we are taking a train trip, when do I give you your ticket?"  She answers, "When I'm about to step onto the train."  He explains that she doesn't need the ticket before then.
    Reading that passage those years ago brought to mind a conversation I was part of when Annie was a toddler. 
    A friend was explaining to me why she insisted her child try a bite of every new food that came his way.  Her reasoning was that God might call him to be a missionary one day (he was 6 months old at the time), and he would need to be able to stomach weird foods. 
   Well, that bothered me some.  Having had some struggle with eating disorders, I was (still am) uncomfortable with turning food into a battleground.  The difficulty was *not* with my friend's approach to her own child, it was the question of *my* parenting.  Was I handicapping my child by not forcing certain foods upon her?  What if God called *her* to the mission field?  It was a question I continued to ponder for many, many years. 
   When I read _The Hiding Place_, my fear about that was put to rest.  If God called her to eat monkey brains, He would give her--AT THAT TIME--the grace to do it. 

    Monkey Brain Grace. 

   I realized this morning that God is not going to give me the grace to deal with all these swirling needs and potential problems...until the moment I need that grace. 
   I don't have to worry about all these things.  I need to do "the *next* right thing."  These days, the need for grace comes moment to moment--not day to day.  I need the grace to make my bed.  The grace to fix breakfast.  I can't worry about tomorrow or even this afternoon.  The grace will come minute by minute.

2 Corinthians 12:9 (New International Version)

"9But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me"

I have never been weaker, but...

I will eat the Monkey Brain, one bite at a time, by His grace.


Alipurr said...

amy, you hit the nail on the head with this one!!!! even though I have not been having to deal with something as hard as what you are going through, i have found it necessary, just in my small challenges, to say to myself....just one day at a time, and sometimes, just one minute....you are in my thoughts and prayers, hugs

Lisa-Anne said...

That's very, very good insight, Amy. :) It sounds like Someone was whispering in your ear while you were sleeping. *hugs*
At our church we have a saying (and somewhere an old sermon that goes with it)... "No more good days or bad days, just Days of Grace."
That has really helped me change how I look at my days, and how I get through them, too. Knowing that grace is there every single day really helps.
lol, :) I'm less worried about your children going into the mission field than I am about them having to star in Indiana Jones movie remakes! ;) :)
Love you!!!!!!!!!!!

Jamie said...

Aaahhh and my friend told me the other day something about just having one goal every day, even if its just taking a shower. It has been working. Yesterday it was to get me some clothes that fit so I didn't have to wear maternity clothes in anger. Today's goal is to relax and make sure my head doesn't hurt like yesterday.